


Horns and Haluski

by Plinycapybara



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Ruby & Sapphire & Emerald | Pokemon Ruby Sapphire Emerald Versions
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Cultural Differences, Culture, Europe, Gen, Hoenn, Sassy, Science, Secret Society, Travel, War, for science, travelling, village
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 10:09:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2021088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plinycapybara/pseuds/Plinycapybara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ASH [Absol Society of Hoenn] is in need of funding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horns and Haluski

**Author's Note:**

> A few disclaimers. 
> 
> One, obviously I don't own Pokemon. If I did, I'd be rich and have a house in Lake Como. Also I'd be able to pay off my college loans. Two, this is my first fic for this fandom. I'm used to writing for the Hetalia and SnK fandoms. I hope that I don't slaughter our dear Gordon's characterization. Three, I am of heavy Rusyn descent.

ASH [Absol Society of Hoenn] 

It was our bimonthly meeting, and as usual it was in Astrid's father's house due to the fact that we were thrown out of every other restaurant. The topic was not new, nor was the smirk on Astrid's face. Her family, rich and prominent, had started the ASH over two hundred years ago. 

The topic? Funding. Of course. It was times like these when I wondered why I even bothered coming when I could be playing with my little brother in order to make up for lost time the last time Astrid ordered me to go on a research exploration. Everyone in my village thought I was dead thanks to this blonde. 

"As you know, we're running short on money for research." Astrid raised her wine glass.  
"Yeah, that's not really news. Everyone in Hoenn thinks we're a group of lunatics." I told her.  
"My grandfather thinks we do crazy rituals to bring about hurricanes on his hometown." Drew said.  
"But there's one sure-fire solution that's been staring us straight in the face." Astrid nodded to her personal maid as she put the glass of wine to lips. The maid laid out a map of Europe. The map itself was at least five hundred years out. It was covered in dust so Astrid smoothed it out and blew on it, making us all cough. She then proceeded to take the horn of her grandfather's deceased Absol that had died of old age at 127, and land it straight in the middle of said map, not only cutting into the wood but also making us all jump.  
"This is a map of Europe."  
"W-We can see that!"  
"This is where I want you to go, Gordon." Astrid turned to me. Of course it'd be. Not Drew, me. As always.  
"Why in the middle of the map?" I asked her.  
"Eastern Europe, especially Carpatho-Rus, has a deep history with the Absol. They have the opposite attitude towards the Absol than those in Hoenn, Kanto and Johto. It's a mountainous region, for one, and has been subject to so many wars. The borders range constantly. Armies move in and out. My grandfather was the last person from Hoenn, Kanto OR Johto to even set foot in Carpatho-Rus." Astrid said. "We need interviews, photos and sketches of Rusyns as well as other Eastern European ethnic groups that might have a long history with Absol. We also need to go back in time and be open to other eras. I want you to begin a thousand years ago in the 2010s."  
"I...," I looked at Astrid as she gave me that smug grin. "Fine. I'll go."

 

\---

"You’re really doing this? You’re really leaving Hoenn?" My brother’s face puffed up in tears. His cheeks swelled and turned a pinkish tint.

"I’m giving you a warning this time, but I’ll go further away." 

"How far?" My little brother buried his face into my khaki long-coat. The teal hair now becoming more messier than usual as he whined. 

"To the land where Absol are so common due to the fact that its a constant war-zone. The land no one in this village’s history has ever dared to venture." I tilted my fedora. "I’m going to Europe. Not just Europe, but the Europe of a thousands years ago." 

"W-Why?"

"Mickey, curiosity cannot be tamed or trained. One day I hope that you understand that." And with that, I left the village that raised me in the quiet island chain of Hoenn to the feared, far-off land of Europe to search. 

 

Taking the time machine was…surreal. I almost felt nothing. One moment, I was in a high-tech lab that I had visited several times over, the next I was in a potato field. I had heard of potatoes before, a hardy vegetable grown by Western peoples for the most part, but I’ve never seen them in real life. I dug the stud out of the ground and felt its skin, even taking my gloves off. It was so uneven—how did people make food out of what we would consider a weed back in Hoenn? I drew a sketch and took a picture of the potato—only to be followed by a incoming voice of an agnry mid-aged woman screaming at a fifty-some-year-old man. They were both pointing back and forth at me. I was dressed differently and I’m not sure if they’ve ever seen someone from Hoenn before, so I wouldn’t be surprised. 

"Jozef! Who’d yer damn brat of a son invite back to our village from his cozy apartment in Bratislava?" the mid-aged woman yelled. 

"Maria, I haven’t called him in a week because he has to study for his medical exam. YOU KNOW THAT!" Jozef argued. "You! Strange-haired man. Who are you?"

"My-My name is Gordon." I got up, brushing the dirt form the field off. 

"What kind of name is that? You a foreign exchange student got lost while hitch-hiking? You want directions to Bratislava or to Prague?" Jozef eyed my sketch of a potato. "You seen a potato before, right?" 

"No, I haven’t, sir."

"You from Mars?"

"I’m actually from Hoenn, Japan—" I was about to continue my defensive/introduction until another man who was in his mid-thirties came in from behind me, over the hill, with an Absol. "The Polish army is coming again."

"Really? Again? I was just getting used to Czech taxes. It been a month since I’ve been Polish." Maria complained. She sighed and turned to everyone else who slowly gathered towards the edge of the fields. "Everyone to the basement of the church. We’ll have to wait this for another six hours before we can continue farming. Hopefully Father Miroslav isn’t sick today like he was two weeks ago when the Czechs invaded. Let’s go. That include you, pretty boy, unless you like Polish bullet in back of your head."

Sadly, I could not argue with that. I joined the villagers as they crammed into the basement of what they titled ‘Carpatho-Rusyn Orthodox Church’ while what sounded like a thunderstorm of boots rolled through the poorly constructed cobblestone roads. I noted that several, if not all of the families, had at least one Absol. “You…have lots of Absols.” I whispered. “Why is that?” 

Jozef combed his family’s Absol. “We are a village of Rusyns. We have always been conquered by other peoples. We work the land and don’t ask for much other than survival in these unforgiving mountains. These beings warn us of incoming armies and they help us harvest grain with their sharp horns and tails. In winter, they help us stay warm. It’s been that way for thousands of years. You have issue with that, pretty boy?”

"No, no, actually quite the opposite! People where I’m from Absols are blamed for the disasters that they try to warn us about. I’ve dedicated a good portion of my life studying these creatures! This is amazing!" As soon as I finished that sentence, a knock came to the door of the church basement. Father Miroslav held his pointer finger to his lips and opened the door slightly. "Father Miroslav! Can we talk a bit?"

The priest walked out to talk with what I assumed to be a member of the advancing army. A gun shot was fired soon afterward. It was followed by one of the most sociopathic sentences I’ve heard. It went like this: "Well, we shot the only human in the village that we could find. Let’s head for the next Rusyn town, shall we? Maybe by nightfall we’ll break out some wine and plan to desolate some Eastern Slav scum tomorrow. MOVE OUT!"

"Shit, I knew this would happen. Get me the phone I need to call my son to see if he can get ahold of the Bratislava Diocese." Jozef sighed. Maria shrugged. "At least this year we’ve only lost two priests."

Jozef was kind enough to invite me, despite his rage, into his home. His wife, Absol, two daughters, four sons, two son-in-laws, three daughter-in-laws, and nine grandchildren were all situated through out the room doing various chores while the man of the house got to talk to his oldest son.

“Dimitry! Pick up the damn phone! We need a priest to do funerals! PICK UP THE PHONE, JACKASS!”

—-in Bratislava—- 

Dimitry sat in his room with his three roommates Fyodor, Vanya and Andrij around a bong blasting the Mystery Skull’s “Money”.

"You know, I have the greatest idea for a TV series ever. What if, like, there were big people, like REALLY REALLY big naked people with no dicks who ate little people and to get away from the BIG people the little people build, like bigass walls." Dimitry looked up as he finished taking a hit. His phone rang, but he continued to ignore it. 

"Dude, that sounds awesome. But not as awesome as my idea. I think I’ll have two different sets of series about a chick in a dystopian America. One where kids are forced to fight in a reality show because they’re poor and the other is just a senior IS." Vanya smiled.

Andrij grinned. “My idea’s better than all of yours! Ok, so this really, really white girl who lives in Hipsterland Washington that’s named after Forks because its ironic and falls in love with a vampire who is secretly a fairy, but is also chased around by a buff werewolf who’s a decent guy but the girl dumps him because the vampire-fairy stares at her weird.”

"That idea blows, dude." Vanya replied. 

"Take another hit—maybe you’ll come up with a better idea."

"YOU UNGRATEFUL SHIT! PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE!" 

"Whadda want, papa?" Dimitriy asked. Jozef explained, "The village priest has been shot again by the Polish. I want you to go to the Diocese and get us another one." "Do I have to-"

"If you want to have funding for next semester, yes. You do."

"Fine." 

—-Back in Lesko County, currently Poland (for the next five days)— 

I paused and reflected on my own father-son experience. “That conversation made me feel much better about my family relations.”

"Well, hopefully he remembers that promise after he’s off of his trip. The brat." Jozef kicked the edge of the table. "He has absolutely no idea how lucky he is! You! Pretty boy!" 

"My name is Gordon." 

"Why are you still here?" 

"I study Absols for a living. This place seems to have a long history and interesting viewpoint of them, so I wish to learn more!" I explained. Jozef looked at me for what felt like thirteen long minutes. He sat down and stared me straight in the face with a look that I cannot possibly describe in the written word. "Very well. What do you want to know about Rusyn culture and Absols?"

"Well, start from the beginning I guess? Like, how far back?" I opened my notebook and got my pen ready. 

Jozef looked up. “Back in pre-Roman times, we were pagan for thousands of years. We gathered off the land. The Absol would warn us of storms that would come and interrupt our hunts. We grew close to Pokemon after a while, and even mated with it.” I choked on my own spit. 

"R-Really? For real?" Jozef nodded. I wrote it down (with some reluctance) and then silently allowed him to continue. "The Romans conquered us and introduced agriculture. However, practice of mating with Absol was banned once Christianity was made the state religion of the Roman Empire."

I peered at Jozef’s physical features. The skin beneath the eyes sagged underneath, a trait only I had noted of the Absol since others had not dared to venture close enough. Their hair was light-haired, but messy, like the long manes of the Absol. But it was the eyes, yes the eyes—that spoke of a elusive race whom rarely ventured from the mountaintops, and had seen a great deal of tragedy in their lives. 

"What you lookin’ at, pretty boy?"

"N-Nothing, sir. Mind if sketch you and your children? I just noted some physical features that you actually share with the Absol!" I requested. "And some photos as well. I’d like to get your Absol in them."

"Fine." Two hours later, I got a good number of photos which I attached to my journal. "Jozef, you said that your son was lucky." 

"He got out of this place. He’s the luckiest member of our family since my great aunt Julia."

"Where’d she go?"

"America." Jozef answered. "Here’s a picture of her." It was my first time seeing a black-and-white photo. It was of two beautiful, sixteen-year-old women labeled early 1911 with a light-colored suitcase. Next to them, an Absol. 

"Last I heard of her, she settled in Pittsburgh. That’s another place for any Absol-ethusianist like yourself. There are so many Eastern Europeans with a cultural history with that Pokemon you’d lose it."

Pittsburgh. America. Julia. “Can I have this photo?”

Jozef shook his head. "We have an extra copy that we're not using, so I suppose so." 

"What was Julia’s last name?"

"Stzanko."

Outside of Hoenn had been calling me all of these years—a world of violence, of beautiful women carrying briefcases, and of strange-shaped vegetables. I’m not sure if I’ll back, my brother. I’ll try to be.


End file.
